Caveman Beer Reviews: Stella Artois

Note: This is a series I call Caveman Beer Reviews, because I like to drink beer but am a caveman when it comes to beer knowledge. I know only the basics, and do not have a refined palate. I’ll review the beers on price and what they look, smell, and taste like to me.

Beer: Stella Artois

Bottom Line: A somewhat bitter, malty beer that’s medium-bodied and pretty easy to drink. It’s all right, but not super-impressive.

Price: About $13.49  for a 12-pack of 11 ounce bottles.

My Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Details

Few beers have made me so curious. After all, it notes the year 1366(!) on the label. That’s almost 700 years ago, even before Columbus sailed the ocean blue. The time of the Holy Roman Empire which, per my high-school history teacher, was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire.

It also has a person’s name (the alluring Stella Artois), which prompted me to do a little reading. I was expecting a Cleopatra-like character; boy, was I disappointed.

Cleo-Britney, or Britney-Patra. Credit: Giphy

According to Wikipedia, the brewery where they make Stella was established in 1366. However, it was purchased in 1717 by some dude named Sébastien Artois. Later, in 1926, they combined his last name with the Stella name, which honors the Christmas Star. Interesting story, but not what I expected. Oh, well.

Origin: Belgium

Alcohol: 5%

Looks: A green beer bottle with lots of paper labeling and some sort of horn on it. It’s annoying because there’s paper around the bottle cap, which you have to remove before opening, and then don’t know what to do with and wind up putting in your pocket. The beer itself is a light yellow color.

Smell: Weak malt smell.

Brussels, Belgium. Why all the gold trim on the buildings?

Taste: This is a pretty good beer, but not as great as the name and labeling would have you think. It’s lightly flavored, with a weak bitter taste and malty notes. The bitterness does tend to linger on the back of your mouth.

The Stella is very gaseous (almost like Perrier water, which I don’t really like). Very fizzy.

It is refreshing, and quite easy to drink; a bit more flavorful than light beer, and medium-bodied.

Hangover Factor: Nothing unusual. I’m a male in reasonably good health born in 1983.

Final Thoughts

This is a good beer, but nothing out-of-this-world. It’s pretty light and suitable for day-drinking, and looks exotic enough to bring to fancy parties.